私の完全な黒歴史 | I will introduce my black history.



Today, I would like to share my black history. During my high school years, I suffered from a brain hemorrhage caused by boxing and had to be hospitalized. After graduating from university, I became a complete punch-drunk (suffering from brain damage due to repeated blows to the head) as a result. Consequently, I voluntarily left one company and was laid off from three others.


Several years later, fueled by the frustration of those experiences, I started a new career in sales. I became the top salesperson in four different companies and eventually opened my own NTT sales agency, which became the top-performing agency in Saitama City.


As the demand gradually declined, I closed down the agency and decided to pursue an MBA in Australia. Afterward, I moved to Thailand and worked as an IT consultant. However, despite my efforts, I couldn’t secure a job in Africa and had to return to Japan.


So far, this may seem like a fairly normal life, but here comes my black history. After returning to Japan from working in Thailand, I decided to start my own business again. This time, I opened an English language school. While I had a few dedicated students who attended for several years, I struggled to attract new students.


I distributed thousands and thousands of flyers every month, but the response was almost non-existent. In fact, the response rate was around 0.01%. It was evident to me that it was a waste of time, effort, and money.


I tried various approaches, such as distributing flyers in mailboxes and handing them out in front of train stations. However, I encountered people who were disruptive, and there was no sign of attracting any customers whatsoever.


Feeling completely ignored, despite having distributed so many flyers (in reality, it was due to my lack of marketing skills at the time), I thought to myself, “I won’t let them ignore me like this. I want to make them notice me, even just a little.”


First, I tried distributing flyers that contained black-themed quizzes, jokes, and useful phrases in English, but still, I received no response.


When I was distributing flyers in front of the station, I noticed a politician standing there as well, greeting the people. He was a truly remarkable person. Unlike me, who was distributing flyers, he was wearing a tasuki, holding up a flag, and extending his greetings to the residents of the city.


I can’t provide all the details, but the politician’s tasuki and flag had the words “I love [City Name]” written on them. I also had the desire to capture the attention of the city’s residents, so I decided to emulate the politician, albeit to a small extent.


I purchased my own tasuki and wrote “I also love [City Name]” on it. I stood near the politician and continued distributing flyers. Despite this, the people in the city completely ignored me. Interestingly, even though I had never sought his permission, the politician kindly commented, “That’s a nice tasuki.” He was genuinely pleasant.


Considering the number of flyers I had distributed, I believed that almost everyone living in the area must know about me or my school. Nevertheless, I continued to be completely ignored (due to my lack of marketing skills at the time).


Eventually, when I was on the verge of giving up my business, I thought about making a final attempt to gather some response. So, I distributed flyers with the following content:


  1. 子供の生徒が多くいます。当校周辺で車のスピードを落とし、化粧は落とさないで!どちらも子供が怖がります.。
  2. 当校周辺でのゴミの投げ捨てはカン・ビンして下さい。
  3. 当校周辺でのツバ・立小便は男は禁止。女は要相談!
  4. 当校内でのナンパ行為禁止。講師が嫉妬します。
  5. 当校内で際どい服装禁止。講師が見てしまいます。見て後悔する場合もあります。
  6. 当校内で携帯などの電化製品の電源を切って下さい。当校の学長はハイテクという言葉が何より嫌いです。
  7. 当校への無断での住居侵入禁止。当校には金目の物は一切ありません。大手学校はたくさんお金があるそうです。
  8. 当校内で宗教・ネットワークビジネスなど勧誘行為禁止。当学長は一度も何かに所属も誘われた事もありません。
  9. 当校周辺での犬の糞は持ち帰って下さい。小さい子供は何でも触りたがります。子供が善意で講師にくれたら断れません。
  10. 講師に連絡先の交換を求めたら、「面倒だな~」の顔をしますが本当は喜んでいるので気にしないで下さい!  
  11. 当校周辺でクラクションを鳴らさないでください。当学長が「愛してる」のサインだと勘違いします。

11 items prohibited by our school

  1. There are many children so please off the speed of your car but don’t off your makeup near the school. Otherwise children will be scared.
  2. Please don’t throw away garbage near school.
  3. Please men don’t pee near my school. Please it is negotiable for women.
  4. Please don’t ask others out in the school because the teachers will envy it.
  5. Please don’t put on racy clothes. The teacher might look at quickly and then might regret it.
  6. Please turn off the electronic devices in the school because the teacher does not know how to use.
  7. Please don’t enter the school without permission. This school does not have much money but the big school seems to have much money.
  8. Please don’t invite to religion or network business. The teacher have never been invited to anything.
  9. Please pick up and take your dog’s poop near my school. If the little child give me it, I will not be able to refuse it.
  10. If you ask me to give my telephone number, I might make frowning face. But I must feel very happy in my mind so please don’t mind it.  
  11. Please refrain from honking your car horn around the school. Our principal mistakes it for a sign of “I love you.”


By the way, there was almost no response even after distributing these flyers. I felt like saying, “Come on, pay attention to me a little!” (In reality, people simply weren’t interested.) The station attendant, who usually responded to me with displeasure when I went to greet them and ask if I could distribute the flyers, actually asked me for one during that time, saying, “Give me a flyer too.”

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